


Walk the Line

by kijani



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Adam/Tommy - Freeform, Adommy, Anal Sex, Angst, First Time, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Romance, angst with happy ending, blowjob, multi-chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-04-21 07:45:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4821026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kijani/pseuds/kijani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam and Tommy have always put on a steamy stage show, but Tommy is starting to realize something--What used to be just part of the show is starting to feel like something more... At least to him. When things between Adam and Tommy cross the line after a show one night, Tommy has a choice to make. There's just one problem: Does Adam feel the same way?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

Tommy wasn't sure when 'just part of the show' became something so much more complicated than that, but as Adam crooned sweet nothings into his ear, his body pressed tightly against Tommy's, he knew that he was in trouble. He let his head fall back against Adam's shoulder as he played, just as he had so many times before. This time though, even if he didn't want to admit it, something was different. His eyes slid closed, and Adam's voice washed over him, gentle as a lover's caress, and Tommy's hand slipped on the neck of his guitar.  
  
The crowd erupted in cheers, and Tommy could feel the blush in his cheeks spreading to his shoulders.  
  
The band kept playing. Adam laughed. “I think I've made him nervous,” he purred into the microphone, in the way that only Adam could. So professional. Playing it up for the crowd. Tommy chanced a glance in his direction, but his face was impossible to read under the glare of the stage lights. There was more cheering, and a look from Adam that Tommy couldn't place, and he willed his fingers to work again so that he could continue playing.  
  
The rest of the concert continued in a haze. Somehow, when it was all over, Tommy made it backstage.

 

“That crowd was awesome,” Adam was saying. Tommy looked to him, glad for the distraction from his own strange thoughts. “One of the best yet, for sure. Did you hear them? They went absolutely wild over your little stunt.”   
  
Stunt? Tommy blinked. “I uh... Yeah,” he stammered. “I messed up. I'm sorry. I didn't mean... I was distracted.”  
  
“Distracted?” Adam repeated. There was something in his tone that Tommy didn't recognize. “I just figured you were playing along. Whatever it was, the crowd loved it. It really was an amazing show. I've never known you to get distracted, though. Maybe we should modify our little stage game a bit...”  
  
“No!” Tommy hadn't meant to yell, not really anyway, and as soon as the word came out, he slapped his hand over his mouth and tried to sink a bit further into the couch cushions. He cleared his throat. “I mean, we shouldn't. The crowd loves it, and I won't mess up again. We shouldn't fix something that isn't broken.”  
  
Adam was on him in an instant, crouching down, so close that their noses nearly touched. Tommy felt hot under the scrutiny of his gaze, and he tried to look away, but he couldn't.  
  
“Are you _sure_?” Adam asked.  
  
He was so close. He was so close that Tommy could feel the warmth of his breath against his skin. Hell, he could practically see his own reflection in Adam's eyes. He squirmed, unable to do much more than press himself more firmly against the couch cushion. Nothing seemed to help.  
  
“Yeah,” he coughed, his voice coming out in a high-pitched squeak. “It's just... I just think that...”  
  
The door swung open, and in that instant, Tommy was able to tear his gaze away from Adam long enough to notice Ashley standing in the doorway. She smiled, her gaze shifting from Adam to Tommy and back again before she shrugged her shoulders. “I'm...heading to the bus. I'll leave you two alone.” She said in a sing-song voice, and then there was a soft click as the door closed, and Tommy was alone in a room with Adam that seemed to be growing smaller and smaller with each passing second.  
  
Adam was only momentarily distracted by the interruption, and a moment later, Tommy felt the other man's eyes on him again, and he let out a breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding.  
  
“What was so different about this time?” Adam asked.  
  
“Different?” Tommy repeated. “N-nothing.”  
  
“You said you were distracted,” Adam pointed out. “You want to talk about it?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“But you know you can talk to me, don't you?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“And you don't want to talk about it? Not at all?”  
  
“No.” Tommy insisted, almost whining as he met Adam's gaze again. “I can't talk about it, okay?”  
  
Adam was silent a while. Tommy wasn't sure how much time passed in the silence. Seconds, maybe? A few minutes? There was no clock to be seen in the small room backstage, and Tommy couldn't bother himself with staring at his phone. Doing so would mean that he would be forced to tear his gaze away from Adam, and he couldn't bring himself to do that.  
  
The space beside Tommy on the couch sank in, and when Tommy turned his head, Adam was there, still watching him with a strange sort of concern etched into his features. Tommy opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out, and instead, he found himself looking at the floor, staring at the tips of his boots as he toed the ground.  
  
“You want to know what I think, Tommy?”  
  
Tommy tilted his head slightly to the side and waited for Adam to speak.  
  
And waited. And waited. Tommy hated uncomfortable silences like these. He shifted his weight and held Adam's gaze. There was something in those eyes, much like earlier, that Tommy didn't recognize, and he wasn't sure what to think about that.  
  
“I think you just need to relax a little bit,” Adam finally said. “Everyone has off days, and the crowd didn't even know you didn't mean to do it, so maybe just take a deep breath and let yourself move--”  
  
Tommy had an idea what Adam was going to say, but he didn't really give the other man the time he needed to finish the thought. Instead, Tommy surged forward on the little couch, and his lips pressed against Adam's, Tommy's body moved as though it was on autopilot, completely outside of his own control, and he didn't even try to fight it. Not when he straddled Adam on the couch, or when his fingertips tangled in Adam's hair...  
  
Adam's weight shifted beneath him, and Tommy bit his bottom lip in an effort to silence a moan. Adam's eyes were leveled on Tommy, clouded with a strange combination of lust and confusion. He didn't speak, though. Instead, Tommy watched with half-lidded eyes as Adam rose and locked the door. He watched and he waited, and when Adam returned, Tommy climbed into his lap again.  
  
Still, no words passed between them. Tommy could feel Adam's hands resting on his hips as his fingertips teased over Adam's chest. He could feel the heat in his cheeks, and he could feel that delicious warmth spreading with each touch of Adam's hand. He could feel it moving lower and lower on his body, and he arched his back, the breath catching in his throat when Adam slid the zipper of his jeans down.  
  
Tommy felt only the slightest flicker of hesitation, but it passed quickly. Adam flipped them, and Tommy felt himself blush beneath the other man. Adam looked at him, and Tommy couldn't look away. Adam's lips found his, and Tommy gave in to the kiss easily, moaning softly as Adam massaged him.  
  
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Tommy was aware that they were crossing a line, but his mind was too fogged to process the thought. All he could focus on in the moment was the salty-sweet taste of Adam as their tongues danced together, the erratic thumping of his heart, and the growing discomfort below his belt, where Adam's hand still worked its same teasing rhythm.  
  
“Oh shit...” Tommy moaned out, finally breaking the silence between them. At some point, he must have blinked, because when he looked down, his pants were gone, and Adam was kneeling, looking up at him from behind a mess of dark hair with a playful smirk. Tommy wanted to say something more, but he couldn't seem to form the words. He reached out and ran his fingers through Adam's hair instead, watching and holding his breath as Adam leaned forward.  
  
Adam's hand closed around Tommy's waiting cock, and his eyes fluttered closed as a low moan passed his lips. They had definitely crossed that unspoken line. Hell, they'd jumped it and a few others, too, but even as the thought pushed itself back to the front of Tommy's mind, he couldn't bother himself with it too much. Adam's touch was just as he imagined it might be. Firm, yet calculated. Each movement measured, each caress a means to a goal. Tommy could only squirm beneath him, his fingers tangled in Adam's hair. Despite the wiggling, Tommy knew. He didn't want to be anywhere else. It felt so good, and whatever this was, whatever had happened, whatever line that they had crossed, that _he_ had crossed... He didn't want this to stop.  
  
He moaned again, and the corners of Adam's lips curled upwards into a cat-like grin. “You make some very interesting sounds, Glitterbaby, and I just got started.” He whispered. “I wonder...” Adam ghosted a hot breath over Tommy's sensitive flesh, and Tommy's eyes slid closed again, and when Adam's mouth closed around his flesh, Tommy's mind went blank. He forgot about the concert, about the little room, about Ashley, all of it. He could focus on was how wonderful it felt to be in this moment.  
  
Tommy's fingers raked through Adam's hair as the other man fell into a rhythm. He watched Adam's head bob up and down, and found himself mesmerized by the rhythm of it. The heat that had started in his cheeks began to travel through the rest of his body and coiled into a tight ball in his stomach.  
  
Tommy's breath hitched in his throat, and he squirmed beneath Adam, tugging desperately at the other man's hair. “Adam, you should... I'm going to... I'm...”  
  
There was a knock at the door, and the knob jiggled. Startled by the attempted intrusion, Tommy jumped, an unintentional thrust of his hips pressing the tip of his cock to the back of Adam's throat as he came. He cried out, but Adam's hand clamped over his mouth and muffled the sound.  
  
The door knob wiggled again, and there was a soft knock. Adam looked to Tommy and pressed his index finger to his lips as he pulled his hand away from Tommy's mouth. “Yeah?” He called out.  
  
“Are you guys alright? We got everything packed up, so we're ready to go when you are!” It was Ashley. Again.  
  
“Yeah,” Adam replied. He looked to Tommy with laughter in his eyes and then turned his gaze back to the door. “We're coming. Tommy wasn't feeling very good. We'll be there in a minute...”  
  
“He's not feeling good?” Ashley sounded concerned, and for a moment, Tommy actually felt guilty. He felt fine. More than fine, really. Fucking fantastic. “Is there anything I can do?” She asked, and Tommy imagined her just beyond the door, her face pressed to the wood and her hand still resting on the knob.  
  
“No, he's alright now. Must have been the lights or something.” Adam replied. “We'll be out there in a minute. Tell the driver to go ahead and start the engine, okay? I'm going to walk with Tommy just in case he's a little unsteady on his feet.”  
  
“Okay,” Ashley said. “See you soon!” Tommy heard the slap of her boots against the tile floor, and as the sound faded into nothingness, he felt himself breathe again. Adam, still kneeling on the floor in front of him, laughed and shook his head, and Tommy felt himself blush again.  
  
“I'm sorry about...” He started.  
  
“Don't be sorry,” Adam said, shaking his head. “Are you feeling better?”  
  
“I...” Tommy stopped and bit his bottom lip. “We should probably get to the bus, yeah?”  
  
Adam hesitated for a moment. “Probably. Ashley might send a search party next...”  
  
“Adam, I...”  
  
“Don't.” Adam repeated. “It was fun.”  
  
Tommy swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded. _Fun_. While there was a part of him that definitely agreed with Adam, there was another part of him that wondered what Adam meant by that. Fun. Was that all it was? Why had he kissed Adam, anyway?  
  
Tommy closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and he could feel Adam pressed against him, his voice like velvet caressing his skin. He could feel Adam's hands on his body, Adam's lips on his skin. When he opened his eyes again, he knew he was blushing. Adam was staring at him expectantly.  
  
“Tommy.”  
  
“Huh?” He frowned.  
  
“We've got to go. Come on. I've got that interview tomorrow afternoon.”  
  
“Oh.” Tommy nodded. “Yeah. Right. Sorry.”  
  
Adam moved forward and looped his arm around Tommy's waist. Tommy was amazed at how easily Adam lifted him, as though he was lighter than the air itself. “You really _are_ out of it,” Adam chuckled. “Come on. I promised Ashley I'd walk with you, and I'm not about to break my promise.”  
  
“Yeah,” Tommy said, forcing a small smile. “I... Thanks.”  
  
Adam reached out with his free hand and unlocked the door. Tommy leaned against him as they walked in silence. He wasn't sure at what point they crossed the parking lot, or how he'd actually managed to make it up the stairs and onto the bus, but he blinked, and he was sitting on the edge of his bunk, and the buildings outside were blurring together. He let out a soft groan and fell back against his pillow, curling in on himself and pulling the curtain to his bunk closed.  
  
_Shit_. He was in trouble. So much trouble.

 


	2. Chapter 2

            “Are you feeling better?”

            Tommy groaned and rolled over in his bunk. When he finally willed himself to crack his eyes open, Ashley’s head was peeking in through his curtain, her eyes darkened with concern.

            “Are you feeling better?” She repeated. “Adam said you weren’t feeling good last night. Headache? Upset stomach? I’ve got some Pepto…somewhere, I think. If not, I can pick some up?”

            Tommy propped himself up on his elbows and dutifully tried to rub the sleep from his eyes, but he still felt groggy. Outside his window, the sun was shining. Tommy watched the cars pass for a moment until his mind processed Ashley’s words, and then everything from the previous night hit him like a brick to the side of the head. He and Adam had… And Adam had told Ashley that he wasn’t feeling good…

            Was that what had happened? Surely, he hadn’t dreamed it?

            “I’m feeling a lot better,” he said, flashing her a winning smile. “It was just a really bad headache. Migraine. Whatever. I just needed to sleep it off. Thanks for asking, though.” Tommy really liked Ashley, actually. He’d been a bit uncertain about how adding her might alter the band’s dynamic, but everyone still got along great, and Ashley was like a sister to him now 

            “Well, good. You did look a little nauseous after the show…”

            “Where’s Adam?” Tommy asked. He shifted his weight carefully and swung his legs out of his bunk. He still kind of felt bad for lying to Ashley. The only thing that had made him nauseous last night was the terrifying realization that he was in love with his best friend, his _boss_. But then, he and Adam had…

            Ashley shrugged. “Getting ready for his interview, remember? We’re just going to hang out while he goes on. Maybe we can grab some lunch or something while we wait? I’ve never been here, but I was looking online, and I found this super cute little burger joint. It says they’ve got the best burgers in town.”

            “Doesn’t everyone say that?” Tommy laughed.

            Ashley’s face contorted into a pout. “Well, yeah. But we’ll never know unless we try it, right?”

            “Sure,” Tommy nodded, but his mind wasn’t on cheeseburgers. His mind wasn’t on food at all. “I’ll be right back,” he said, standing and weaving his way through the bus. He found Adam in the back, standing at a mirror and diligently working to apply a perfect line with his eye-liner pencil. He stopped as soon as Tommy entered the room, sat the pencil down, and nodded at the other man to close the door behind him.

            Tommy obliged, and then stepped forward, wringing his hands in front of him and kneading his bottom lip with his teeth as he tried to find the right words to give life to some of the thoughts that were zooming through his mind. “Adam, I just wanted to say that I…”

            “You don’t have to say it,” Adam interrupted before he could finish. “I already know.”

            Tommy paled. _Shit_. Was he really that transparent? That horrible at hiding his emotions? When had Adam figured it out? Last night’s stage show hadn’t been any different than the ones before it, apart from Tommy’s little slip-up on stage. Perhaps that was what had given him away? Shit, shit, _shit_ …

            “You do?” Tommy finally croaked out. “I’ve been meaning to…”

            Adam spoke again, and Tommy’s sentence died. “I know,” he promised with a small nod. “It can stay between us. No one has to know, okay? We were just having a little fun. It’s too bad.”

            Tommy panicked. That hadn’t been what he was expecting Adam to say. He opened and closed his mouth several times, but he couldn’t seem to find words. Was Adam… Was Adam shooting him down before he even got the chance? Of course. Of course he was. They were band-mates. It was just a show, something for the fans. Feelings weren’t supposed to get involved. _Damn it_.

            “W-what’s too bad?” Tommy finally managed, nearly choking on the words.

            Adam looked to Tommy and shrugged his shoulders. “That it won’t happen again. It was fun.”

            Tommy’s heart shattered. That’s exactly what was happening. Adam was shooting him down. Adam wasn’t interested in him. Not like that. They were friends. Band-mates. Co-workers. Nothing more.

            “Yeah,” Tommy managed, his throat suddenly almost too tight to speak. He swallowed the lump that had suddenly grown there and then offered Adam a small nod. “Well, Ashley and I were going to go check out this burger joint in town while you’re doing your interview. I should probably leave you alone. You’ve only got one of your eyes on and we’re almost there…”

            Adam retrieved his eye-liner pencil and gave Tommy another nod. “Sure thing,” he said. “It should be a quick one. I can just meet you guys there after?” He suggested. “Just text me the address and save me a spot, okay?”

            “Sure.”

            Tommy retreated from the back room with a tight chest and wide eyes. Adam had shot him down. They done… They’d done _that_ on the couch in the back room of their last venue and now Adam was shutting him down. Tommy swallowed another lump in his throat. Should he have offered to reciprocate? No. No, that couldn’t have happened. Not with Ashley hovering nearby and everyone waiting for them on the bus. But he would have. He would have if Adam had wanted it, right?

            He’d never done anything like that before, but for Adam, he knew he would have. Tommy wasn’t sure when it had happened, but somehow, at some point, he had fallen for the disarmingly gorgeous singer. He wasn’t gay, or at least he didn’t think that he was, but for Adam? Adam was different. He’d do just about anything for him.

            Unfortunately, to Adam, Tommy was still just the adorable little straight bassist that he liked to kiss and fondle on stage. Tommy grimaced at the thought.

            How in the hell was he supposed to make it through the rest of the tour like this?

            “Is Adam ready?” Ashley’s voice broke through his thoughts. Tommy looked up. She was staring at him again, but this time there was something else in her eyes. Something that Tommy wasn’t entirely sure that he could identify. “We’re here. They’re sending a representative out to escort him into the studio in a few minutes.”

            “He’ll be ready,” Tommy said with a wave of his hand. “He’s just finishing up now.”

            “Good.” Ashley’s eyes lit up. “Burgers?”

            “Sure,” Tommy nodded. He felt like a broken record. He slipped past Ashley and grabbed a black hoodie that was hanging on a nob near his bunk. “I’m actually looking forward to getting out of here for a little bit. Feels a little claustrophobic in here sometimes, don’t you think?”

            Ashley shrugged. “Not really, No. I’m used to it…but I’m also starving, so I’m right behind you.”

            “Adam is going to meet us after his interview. Do you know how to get to this place?”

            Ashley’s only reply was to hold up her cell phone. “GPS is the best invention since sliced bread,” she said. “It’ll take us five minutes to walk there.”

            Tommy paused and pivoted on his heel. “We’re going to walk there?” His mind flashed back to one of their previous shows. He’d been exhausted, the weather had been awful, and he’d been trying to get back to the bus. He’d pulled his hoodie up and tried to slip away, but a group of overly-enthusiastic fans had cornered him. One of them had even grabbed him. Adam ended up having to fish him out of the crowd. It had actually been a bit unnerving, to say the least....

            “Yeah,” Ashley said with another shrug of her shoulders. “It’s just down the street. Practically a straight line from here in that direction,” she pointed with her finger. “We’ll be there in no time, and if anyone bothers you, they’ll have to deal with me, anyway.”

            Despite his inner turmoil, Tommy smiled at her. He pulled his hoodie up and over his head and then pulled the hood up and tightened the strings. “Alright,” he said. “Deal. Let’s go. Adam will be pissed at me if I let you starve to death or something.”

            “Whatever.” Ashley laughed.

 

*

 

            The “Best burger joint within a hundred miles!” looked like a shit-hole on the outside. The painted brick walls held layers of worn graffiti and caked-on dirt and grime. The parking lot was full of pot holes, and the sign was so crooked that Tommy actually feared it might collapse if the wind blew too hard. He sped up a bit as they passed beneath it and let out a sigh of relief when they arrived at the front door 

            Inside, the place had less than a dozen two-seater tables, and nearly all of them were packed. Tommy spied an empty one beside the exit and gestured to it.

            “I’ll order for you,” Ashley said. “Just make sure no one steals that spot.” She paused a moment to study the menu and then looked back at the little table. “There’s no way we’ll have enough room when Adam gets here,” she whispered.

            Apparently though, she hadn’t been speaking softly enough. Behind them, a woman perhaps a few years younger than Tommy let out a sharp gasp. “Adam?!” She repeated. “I have tickets to the show tomorrow night! I thought it was you! You’re Tommy Joe, right? Look at him, Sarah! I told you he was adorable! He’s even cuter in person!”

            Tommy felt his cheeks grow hot and ducked his head. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “Hi,” he said once his blush had cleared a bit. He extended his hand. “It’s really nice to meet you.”

            Behind him, Ashley frowned. “Sorry, TJ…”

            “Our friend and I have been dying to ask you something!” The woman announced. Tommy was suddenly aware that every pair of eyes in the restaurant were on him.

            He coughed. “Oh?” He said, raising an eyebrow and forcing a small smile. “Well… Sure, I guess. What is it?”

            The woman squealed with delight, and she exchanged glances with her friend before taking a deep breath. Her eyes lit up before she ever even began to speak. “Are you and Adam _dating_?” She asked. It was the kind of question asked at the kind of volume that garnered the attention of everyone within hearing distance. Again.

            Tommy nearly choked. “I, uh…”

            “Oh, my _god_!” She yelped. “We just _knew_ it! You know, I was talking to my husband the other day, and he just doesn’t get it! He said, ‘Now Sarah, no self-respecting straight man would do something like _that_ in front of thousands of people unless he wasn’t..’”

            Tommy wasn’t sure what it was, but he had felt it the moment that the woman had asked her question. It was a painful tightness in his chest that traveled down his body and formed a tight ball of white-hot anger in his stomach. His eyes narrowed.

            “It’s _just_ a stage show!” He snapped, the words spilling out before he had a chance to stop them. “That’s all it will _ever_ be! Don’t you get it? I get _paid._ Really fucking well.”

            The woman and her friend looked at Tommy as though they had been slapped in the face. Tommy felt a surge of guilt wash over him as soon as the words came out. His eyes grew wide. He could feel the sting of oncoming tears, and he bit his bottom lip in a desperate effort to school his expression.

            “Fuck, I’m so sorry.” He whispered. “Please, I… I didn’t mean it to come out like that,” he said, reaching out to offer the woman an apologetic hug. “I’m an asshole. It’s just, I…”

            “He has been really sick,” Ashley piped in for him for the first time since the questioning had begun. “He only came out today because I asked. Probably should have just let him sleep in and ventured out on my own, but I didn’t want to get lost and be all by myself.” Ashley glanced at Tommy with confusion in her eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to hold her gaze. Instead, he looked at the floor.

            “I really haven’t been feeling well,” he lied. It wasn’t even remotely a good enough excuse for the outburst he’d just made in front of a restraint full of people. Had he seen someone with a cellphone? Shit. Of course he had. _Everyone_ had a cellphone. If they could just get the hell out of this place…

            “I’m sorry…” The woman said, and Tommy felt guilt punch him in the gut as her bottom lip quivered. “You’re just… Everyone thinks you’d be so perfect together.”

            Tommy offered her the best smile that he could muster, despite the fact that he felt like he wanted to vomit. “Yeah,” he stammered. “I guess… I guess maybe we would be, in another life.” He tried. Her expression brightened a bit, and before he could stop her, she surged forward and wrapped him in a hug that nearly crushed the breath from him.

            “I hope you feel better in time for the concert…” She whispered. “Will you tell Adam that we said hi?”

            It was Ashley to the rescue again. Tommy felt her hand on his shoulder. When he met her gaze, she was smiling softly at the two women. “We sure will,” she said, and she held up a to-go bag that was already forming a grease stain in its bottom right corner, “but I’m going to take Tommy back so he can get some rest and I can eat one of the best burgers in town…”

            “…Not one of the best…” Came a shout from somewhere behind the counter. “The best!”

            “What he said,” Ashley chuckled, gesturing to the unknown man. “Come on, Tommy. Let’s get you to bed…” She said.

            Tommy felt Ashley’s fingers grip the baggy arm of his hoodie and allowed himself to be pulled from the restaurant. He ducked his head as he fell into step with her. Occasionally, he glanced behind them to be sure that they weren’t being followed too closely, but he couldn’t bring himself to look Ashley in the face, or speak to her. He was too afraid that she might see right through him if he tried.

            As soon as they got back onto the bus and the door was closed tightly, Ashley tossed the bag of burgers onto the small table and turned on him, her arms crossed over her chest.  

            “Are you going to tell me what the hell that shit was all about?” She demanded.

            “Ashley, I really can’t…” Tommy started.

            “Bullshit, TJ. You almost…”

            The door swung open, and Tommy’s eyes grew wide. Standing in the mouth of the bus was Adam, an eyebrow raised above his right eye in a perfect arch. He cleared his throat, his gaze dancing between the two of them, and then stepped onto the bus and paused.

            “I uh… I thought I was supposed to meet you guys at that place, but you never texted me. Is everything alright? Because if something is wrong, we really need to talk about it now. This bus is too damn small for drama.”

            “We ordered to go,” Ashley said quickly. “Tommy apparently still isn’t feeling well.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “He showed his ass at the restaurant.”

            “What?” Adam blinked.

            Tommy felt as though his skin was on fire. “I didn’t mean… She caught me off-guard…” He choked out.

            “What did you do?” Adam asked. Tommy watched his lips curl downward into a frown. “What did you do? It’s not bad is it?” Adam looked to Tommy and then to Ashley, but she looked at Tommy, too.

            Tommy froze. He opened his mouth and closed it again. He wasn’t sure what to say, in part because he knew that there was nothing that he could say that would take the words back, or that would explain why he’d said them in the first place. _Because it’s true_ wouldn’t be a good enough explanation, either.

            “Glitterbaby?” Adam whispered. He took a step forward. Tommy could see that at some point, the confusion in his eyes had transformed into concern. Tommy wasn’t sure when that had happened, but unfortunately the change didn’t make him feel any better. In fact, he only felt worse.

            Tommy took a step back in an effort to maintain the distance between himself and Adam. “I… I am going to go lay down,” he said with a shake of his head. “I’m sorry.”


	3. Chapter 3

Tommy’s sleep was fitful at best. He spent the night trying to get comfortable on a lumpy pillow and playing the events of the last several days over and over again in his mind. He hadn’t been able to tell Adam what he’d said to the fans that he and Ashley had met in the restaurant, but he knew Adam would find out. People had cellphones, and the Internet was a hellish place were rumors were born and metastasized like cancer. Tommy wasn’t sure what he was going to say when Adam finally confronted him about it, except that it was true…

            But saying something like that out loud in front of Adam, who had already brushed him off once after their little tryst in the back room? That would only serve to make things worse.  

            “Rise and shine, Glitterbaby. We have a lot to do today and not a lot of time to do it in.”

            It was Adam, of course. No one else called Tommy that nickname. Tommy could guess by the twinkle in his eyes and the sugary sweetness of his tone that Adam had yet to discover anything about his outburst. That meant Ashley hadn’t told on him, either. Maybe he wouldn’t find out? Maybe this time, just this once, Tommy wouldn’t have to worry about the consequences of his actions.

            “Before we go, we should probably talk.”

            _Of course_. Tommy looked up at Adam and offered a small nod. Adam’s tone hadn’t changed, but Tommy knew that he had been foolish to think that Adam wouldn’t find out about what had happened at the burger joint. He rolled out of his bunk and shuffled toward the bathroom to comb his hair and rub the sleep from his eyes. The moment he looked at his sagging eyelids and deer-in-headlights expression in the mirror, he had a feeling that Adam was right: It was going to be a painfully long day.

            He emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later with a fresh pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and only one or two stubborn fly-aways that hadn’t seemed to want to cooperate with the copious amounts of hair product he’d applied. He sat on the edge of his bunk to pull his boots on. Adam was still standing exactly where Tommy had left him, but this time, when Tommy stood, they were nearly eye-to-eye. Tommy tried to squeeze past Adam in the small walkway and stopped when he felt a hand on his arm.

            “You look tired,” Adam said.

            Tommy shrugged. “I could have slept better last night,” he answered. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I’ll take a nap or something before the show tonight.” Tommy forced the best smile that he could muster and then resumed his quest to get through the hallway, but once again, Adam’s hand reached out to stop him.

            “That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.” This time, when Adam spoke, his voice was barely loud enough to qualify as a whisper.

            Tommy had to fight the wave of nausea that suddenly gripped him right in the pit of his stomach. 

            “Come on.” Adam gestured for Tommy to follow him into the back room of the bus, and Tommy did. Once they were inside, Adam slipped past Tommy and closed the door behind them. Tommy heard the soft _click_ of the lock, and then his heart fell into his stomach.

            “Sit.”

            Tommy completed the action almost automatically.

            “Now, I know things have been pretty hectic around here, but do you think you might be able to tell me what’s going on?” Adam asked. When Tommy looked up, the other man’s gaze was practically burning a hole into his forehead. Adam stood with his arms crossed over his chest, a few stray strands of dark hair fell into his eyes as he tilted his head…a sign that he was waiting for an answer, no doubt.

            “Nothing,” Tommy mumbled. “Everything is great.” Lies. But Tommy wasn’t about to admit to anything without proof. Especially after Adam had shot him down so quickly when he had tried to spill the beans the last time. 

            “Oh?” Adam’s eyebrow rose. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his cell phone. Tommy hung his head and waited while Adam scrolled through god only knew what, and then Adam cleared his throat and spoke again. “’Lambert’s Guitarist Seen Screaming at Curious Fan: Video Here!’” He read. “The article has been tweeted at me like a thousand times since I woke up this morning, and that’s just those. There’s I don’t even know how many more asking me when we ‘broke up’ or why we’re fighting.”

_Son-of-a-bitch_ , Tommy thought. It was actually worse than he imagined it would be.

            “Someone got video of that…?” He frowned. _I was hoping I’d get lucky_ was what he wanted to say, but instead he just hung his head. “I never told anyone we were dating.” He said after a thick pause. “Why would I do that?”

            “I didn’t ask you if you told anyone we were dating. I just want to know what the hell possessed you to scream at a fan like that in a restaurant full of people. Ashley thinks you’re still sick, but you and I both know you’re not sick. All she did was ask a question.”

            “About us.” Tommy clarified, his face growing hot.

            “So?” Adam shrugged. “What’s the problem with that? You could have answered the poor girl without screaming at her.”

            Tommy felt an unfamiliar emotion bubbling somewhere deep in his gut. He clenched his fists at his sides to try and hide the fact that his hands were shaking, but something in him snapped, and he looked up at Adam with narrowed eyes, his voice nothing more than a low hiss. “What’s the problem, Adam? The problem is if you would keep your tongue out of my mouth and my dick out of _your_ mouth, I wouldn’t be so fucking confused!”

            Adam took a step back, staggering almost as though he had been punched in the gut. For a moment, his expression softened. He stared at Tommy.

            “You mean the fans.” He nodded.

            “What?” Tommy asked.

            “You mean the fans wouldn’t be so confused, right?”

            “That’s what I said.” Tommy agreed.

            Adam shook his head. “No. You said _you_ wouldn’t be so confused.”

            Tommy was horrified. He swallowed the lump in his throat and did his best to shrug it off. “Whatever. You know exactly what I meant.” Tommy wasn’t even sure why he said it. It was the perfect opportunity to tell Adam exactly what had been on his mind lately, and he’d let it slip through his fingers because he was angry.

            _Stupid,_ he thought. _So damn stupid. Maybe I can still…_

            “We have to get to rehearsal soon.” Adam said, unknowingly shooting Tommy in the chest once more. “We’re probably going to be late as it is. Are you going like that?”

            “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” Tommy demanded.

            “Nothing,” Adam said, holding up his hands in a sign of surrender. “I was just asking. Come on. You know how they can be when we’re late.”

 

*

 

            It was _the_ song. They went through the same thing during each performance, so it almost always came up at rehearsals because Adam was a perfectionist. The set list changed a little bit sometimes, depending on where they were and what Adam’s mood happened to be on that particular day, but this song was _the_ song. It was rarely not on the set list, and Tommy knew what was coming. He also knew that he wanted it, _really_ wanted it to be more than just fan service, and at this rate, Adam would never know.

            “There he goes, my baby walks so slow…” Adam sang. “Sexual tic-tac-toe. Yeah, I know we both know it isn’t time…”

            Tommy let out a dry chuckle. It really _was_ a fitting song. If only Adam knew.

            But Adam didn’t. And then, just like every time before, Adam’s lips were on his, and Tommy’s heart was racing in his chest, floating but somehow still rooted to the ground, and then it was over, and Adam was standing at center stage, bumping and grinding with Terrance and the others. _Fuck_.

            Tommy shook his head. _No_ , he reminded himself. _You’re just Tommy. You’re Tommy the straight guitarist. Tommy who is straight. Adam had even reminded fans about that in interviews. But the other night…_

            The other night, Tommy decided sadly, was a strange fluke. They were both high on adrenaline, pumped up from the show, from the response the crowd gave, from the ambiance of the whole thing. It wouldn’t happen again. It wouldn’t, because Adam wasn’t really interested like that. He was nothing more than a damn good guitarist who happened to be excellent eye-candy for the fans. That was all, wasn’t it?

            Tommy bit his bottom lip at the thought and looked down at the stage floor to hide his expression. His hair fell into his eyes. He did it enough that he knew it wouldn’t look strange at the concert later, either. This way, he also wouldn’t have to explain to Adam why he looked like he got kicked in the groin once he looked at the concert footage. And this way, at least he had a game plan to keep himself out of trouble later, when an audience of thousands would be watching their every move.

            The floor, Tommy noticed, was streaked with dirt.

            Time passed a bit more quickly while Tommy was counting the imprints that his boots left on the high-gloss stage floor. The next time he looked up, Adam was dripping with sweat, finishing the last line of the final song on the set list. Tommy had never been more glad that it was over.

            “It was a great rehearsal,” Adam was saying as they walked back to the bus. “That show tonight is going to be great, too.”

            “The show is always great,” Tommy volunteered, but he was still looking at his shoes, counting each step as they slapped against the pavement.

            Adam chuckled. “That’s because we have an amazing group of people working on it,” he said. “Otherwise it wouldn’t be the GlamNation tour. It would just be like any other show.”

            “Yeah.”

            “Tommy?”

            “Yeah?”

            “You’re, uh... You're about to run into the door…”

            Tommy looked up just in time to save himself from what would have surely been another in the long list of horrifying and embarrassing events that had transpired over the last couple days. He looked at Adam, forced a smile, cleared his throat, and trudged up the stairs and onto the bus.

            “You should get some more sleep tonight before the concert if you can,” Adam called after him. Tommy was already heading to his bunk. “You look exhausted.”

            “Thanks,” Tommy said dryly. “Don’t let me sleep too long, okay?”

            As Tommy pulled the curtain back on his bunk, he could hear Ashley talking in hushed tones on her cellphone somewhere close by. The television droned on in the back of the bus. Tommy’s eyelids were too heavy to focus on the noise for too long though, and eventually they slid closed.

 

*

 

            No matter how ‘used to it’ you are supposed to be, you never really become accustomed to people screaming at you. It was harder to make out the sea of faces when the stage lights were on full blast, but as Tommy waited with his fingers poised to strike the first familiar notes of the evening, the stage was pitch black, and the audience was full of people of all ages, faces lit with the dim glow of their cellphones ready and waiting to snap a picture when Adam emerged.

            “There he goes…” Adam started. “My baby walks so slow…”

            Tommy felt a knot forming in his stomach.

            “Sexual tic-tac-toe…”

            _Damn it_. Tommy thought. He knew what was coming next, and the mere thought of it simultaneously made his heart flutter and made him want to drop his guitar right there and flee from the stage while he still had the chance.   
  
            “Yeah, I know we both know it isn’t time.” The note lingered. Tommy could feel Adam close. He gave the other man a fleeting glance. “Oh, but would you be mine?”

            Tommy leaned back, his body pressed firmly against Adam’s chest. He could feel the heat of Adam’s breath on his neck, and then he felt that familiar wave of panic that sometimes struck when Adam was near lately. Adam leaned in, but just before his lips could come into contact with Tommy’s, Tommy did something that he’d never done before. Something that he never thought he would do.

            He turned his head away.


	4. Chapter 4

Adam didn’t speak to Tommy back stage, but a few times, Tommy thought he might have caught the other man looking at him. He couldn’t bring himself to be the one to break the silence, either. There had been plenty of that when he’d turned away from Adam during the show in front of thousands of people. Tommy was almost certain he had heard the collective intake of breath from the audience despite the music and his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. They had been waiting for a kiss, hoping for it, and he had denied them.

            They walked back to the buses with Ashley on her cell phone and Terrance and Sasha exchanging worried glances. The duo broke away from the band to pile onto their own bus. Ashley stopped mid-step. Her gaze danced between Adam and Tommy for a moment before she spoke.

            “Adam, I hate to do this, but I have to go home for a few days. Something’s up.”

            Adam raised an eyebrow. Tommy tried to hide his horrified expression. Ashley was his friend, and a very good one, but she was also a great buffer between him and Adam at times. Tommy had wondered if perhaps she knew the feelings that he was struggling with somehow, but if she did, she hadn’t said anything. He offered her a weak smile.

            “Family stuff?”

            “My Mom…” Ashley said, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. “I can be back by Monday, maybe.”

            “Go.” Adam said, waving his hand. “Don’t even worry about it, okay? If you need a few days we can always get someone to play bass for us.” He smiled at her and reached out to place a hand on her shoulder. “Of course, it won’t be the same without you, but tell your Mom I hope she gets better soon. Go on.”

            _He’s so understanding_ , Tommy thought, but of course he knew perhaps more than anyone how understanding Adam could be. When tragedy had struck in his own family, Adam had offered his full support, and more than once, had offered his shoulder to cry on. Tommy moved forward to wrap Ashley in a hug and then hurried onto the bus. Adam lingered outside for a few more minutes before he finally came up the little stairs.

            The silence between them had gotten so thick that Tommy was afraid he might choke on it if it didn’t end soon. He swallowed back the lump in his throat and turned to his friend. No, boss. They were still friends, though, right? He cleared his throat.

            “Adam, I just wanted to say that I’m—“

            “No need,” Adam interrupted. “It’s fine. I totally get it.”

            Tommy blinked. “What? What is that even supposed to mean? How can you ‘get it’ when you haven’t even let me finish a sentence in days?” He asked, his voice rising despite his best efforts to control it.

            “ _You_ were the one that said that the stage show didn’t bother you, Tommy Joe. _Obviously_ it does, because you just made me look like a dumbass in front of a sold-out crowd. Why the _hell_ do we even bother to rehearse if you’re going to screw it up all the time?”

            Tommy balked. _All the time_? _Of course_ , he thought. _Adam is talking about the show the other day. My hand slipped…_

For some reason, the idea that Adam actually had filed that away in his memory bank as a ‘screw-up’ was more hurtful than any of the number of things that had happened over the last several days. Tommy could feel his cheeks growing hot, but before he could let the emotion get the better of him, he willed himself to tear his gaze away from Adam’s. He stood, reached for the fridge, and pulled out a bottle of water. He made sure to avoid Adam’s gaze as he uncapped it, took a sip, and sat back down.

            “What, Tommy?” Adam continued. “Nothing to say? You couldn’t have warned me before we went out there? Not a ‘hey, I’m not feeling it tonight’ or ‘let’s switch things up a bit.’ Hell, I would have even accepted ‘fuck you and the horse you rode in on.’ But _that_ , Tommy? That shit you pulled out there tonight? No.”

            “I wasn’t thinking…” Tommy started.

            “Why?” Adam demanded. This time it was his turn to yell. He didn’t find cause to do it often, and Tommy visibly cringed at the sound of his voice booming through the bus. He felt for a moment as though the walls were closing in on him, and then he remembered to breathe again. Adam was still ranting. “I don’t know what’s going on, but you have to _think_ , and damn it, Tommy, if you think you’re having _that_ shitty of a day, maybe next time you can give me a heads up instead of making me feel like a fucking jackass…”

            “I didn’t even realize I…” Tommy started again.

            “You didn’t realize you did it?” Adam’s dark eyes rolled. “Whatever, Tommy Joe. If you were uncomfortable with the stage show, you should have said something when I asked about it. You want changes? Fine. It’s done.”

            “Adam! That’s not what I wanted to…”

            “But you _do_ , Tommy, and for some reason, you won’t even talk to me about it!”

            Tommy’s face reddened, and before he knew it, the water bottle that had been in his hand wasn’t in his hand anymore. Instead, it was sailing through the air. Despite Adam’s best attempts at avoiding it, it hit him, splashing ice cold water in his face and down his shirt. But Tommy apparently wasn’t done yet. It felt like he was having an out-of-body experience. He could see himself surging forward until he was practically nose-to-nose with Adam. He could see how rigidly he held his fists at his sides, how his body visibly shook as he tried to sort through all that was racing through his mind. And then…it happened.

            “Tommy, what the hell is _wrong_ with you late—“

            “ _YOU!”_ Tommy screamed with all of the might that his small frame could offer. “ _You_ are what is wrong with me, Adam, and I’ve tried and fucking _tried_ to tell you, but you just keep brushing it off or _assume_ you already know what I’m going to say and finish my damn sentences for me!”

            “I did not…”

            “ _Shut up_.” Tommy growled, raising his index finger to Adam when he started to speak. “It is _my_ turn to talk. You wanted to know what’s wrong with me? You are. You. I’m not sick. I don’t have issues with the fans. There’s nothing going on except _you_. My only issue for _weeks_ now has been you, but I can’t get a word in edge-wise, and it’s just gotten worse and worse, and I’m _tired_ , Adam. I am so fucking tired. It’s not a game to me anymore.

            I used to just smile and laugh when the fans would make comments about us, but I can’t laugh about it anymore because it _isn’t fucking funny,_ Adam. And no, I don’t want you to change the stage show, but I can’t just pretend I don’t feel like this, and I can’t just go through the motions like there’s nothing…”

            Tommy paused when his voice cracked. He suddenly found himself wishing that he hadn’t chucked his water across the bus. He swallowed. When he spoke again, his voice was much softer. “It’s not been just some stupid stage thing for me for a while now, Adam. I can’t just laugh it off anymore. Especially after the other night. You said we’d pretend it didn’t happen. What if I don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen? What if I want more than some bullshit fan-service on stage? I get that you’re not interested, and I feel like a dumbass wanting the one thing that I can’t have, but I am _not_ a fucking screw up. I’m just trying to deal with everything in the best way that I possibly can. And you know what? I’m sure I’ll figure that out, but if every once in a while you could let me finish a goddamn sentence when you ask me a question, I’d really appreciate it.”

          Adam blinked several times, the corner of his eye twitching for a moment almost as though his brain had short-circuited during the rant. He was staring at Tommy, but Tommy couldn’t bring himself to look back at him. _What the hell did I do?_ He thought. _I’ve screwed up everything. Maybe Adam’s right?_

          “I didn’t mean what I said,” Adam whispered.

          Tommy’s head snapped up so quickly that it almost hurt. He looked at Adam, his eyes stinging with tears that he refused to shed in front of the other man. “What?” He finally managed.

          “I didn’t mean what I said,” Adam repeated softly, wiping at his wet face with his wet t-shirt. Smudges of beige and purple mixed with glitter came off on the fabric. “About you being a screw-up. I didn’t mean it.”

          “Oh.”

          “I’m sorry I said that.” Adam continued. “It just came out.”

          “Whatever,” Tommy shrugged. “It’s fine. I really did screw up.” He fell silent again, tore his gaze away from Adam, and chewed on his bottom lip.

          “Tommy?”

          Tommy didn’t look up. His mind was running over a million different scenarios, and none of them seemed to reach a conclusion that didn’t tie his stomach into horrible knots.

          “Tommy…” Adam sighed. “We... We should probably talk about what you just said.”

          Tommy kept his gaze locked on the floor and shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t have any more words because they’d come spewing out all at once, like a thousand traitorous little knives to stab him in the back. He wished he hadn’t said it, but there was no taking it back now.

          “Talk to me, Tommy,” Adam implored. “How long? How long has this been going on?”

          Another shrug. Tommy was surprised he even had the strength for that after everything else he’d just done.

          Adam groaned, but when he spoke, his voice did not show any sign of the irritation in his eyes. “I…I _thought_ you were straight.”

          Tommy’s eyes narrowed. “I guess not,” he whispered. He thought better of mentioning the couch thing again. He’d already thrown that in Adam’s face once, and he felt bad about that considering the fact that he’d actually enjoyed it.

          “You guess not?”

          “I guess not. Not with you.” He mumbled. “You’re different.”

          Tommy could still feel the threat of oncoming tears, but he did his best to steel his nerves. Adam was still standing in front of the door. It was Tommy’s one route to true escape, but he wasn’t even sure if that was what he really wanted. He just knew that he _needed_ this conversation to be over soon.

          “You can’t just hide something like this from me. Tommy? Why won’t you look at me?”

          Tommy shook his head. He wasn’t sure why he wouldn’t look at Adam, except for the fact that he was terrified of what he might see when he did. He knew how Adam felt. Adam was pissed because Tommy had refused the kiss. It wasn’t that he had refused _him_. It was the act of changing up the show, making him look bad. That’s what it was. Tommy stared at the ground and he waited. He waited because he knew at some point he’d hear the ‘it was just some harmless fun’ or ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech.

          “Glitterbaby, _look_ at me. Talk to me please.”

          Tommy looked up again and took a deep breath. His head was throbbing and his eyes were brimmed with tears and his face was red. He looked awful and he couldn’t even bring himself to care. He wasn’t even sure how he was managing to stave off the tears, but he could feel himself getting closer and closer to losing it, and crying in front of Adam was something that he was sure would only make the whole situation worse.

          “I’m s-sorry,” Tommy stammered. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. It just _did_ , and I’m really confused. I’m sorry I keep screwing up.”

          “I didn’t say that.” Adam shook his head. “Well, I did, but I didn’t mean it. I really am sorry. No, don’t look at the floor, look at me.”

          Tommy lifted his head, but it felt as though it had suddenly tripled in weight.

          “You should have told me this weeks ago.” Adam said.

          “I _tried_!” Tommy insisted.

          “Tommy, we can’t—“

          “I know we can’t,” Tommy interrupted, a single tear sliding down his cheek. “That’s why I’m quitting. I’ll buy a bus ticket home after tomorrow night’s show.”

          “What?!”

          “There’s a break in the tour for a few days after that,” Tommy replied. “I’m sure you’ll have people lining up to replace me.” He wiped furiously at his eyes with the backs of his hands and then stood, pivoted on his heel, and started for his bunk, unaware that Adam was hot on his heels.


End file.
